Newcastle 1-2 Watford - The 'Index 6'
Steve McClaren reassured us all there was nothing to be worried about after Newcastle’s latest dismal offering against Watford. “No crisis”, he remarked. It was the response of a man in flat denial. The sort of act you expect from a parent to their children, when, in knowledge of impending doom, tells them “it’s all going to be okay, nothing to worry about”.
Rest assured sports fans, if the worst start in 15 years isn’t a crisis then contact the dictionary man because I think we need to redefine the word. In fact, watching the game today I witnessed tons of crises: of confidence, of belief, of will, of commitment, of ability, of desire, of [insert buzz word here]. Newcastle were atrocious!
No longer are they able to hide behind the pardoning veil of a “tough start”, nor can they bemoan injuries or suspensions. What we witnessed yesterday was the full, unadulterated spectacle. This is Newcastle. This is who we are. If that doesn’t send you reaching for the vodka – then you’re a stronger person than I am. Anyway, onto the six depressing facts we learned today:
1. John Carver wasn’t that bad
Don’t get me wrong, nobody was more glad to see the back of the self-crowned greatest manager of all time than I, but it’s fair to say that though Carver was useless, he was not in any way helped by the even greater uselessness of the “playing” staff. Today was no different to four or five months ago, and Carver didn’t even have the luxury of £50m worth of signings to work with. JC reportedly uttered on several occasions that the squad was way short of Premier League quality, and performances like today go a long way to reinforce that point. That doesn’t let him off the hook though, the man successfully took the phrase “complete and utter clown” to new levels.
2. The buck still stops with the board
After Mike Ashley’s propagandistic appearance on Sky Sports last season, many saw the influx of cash spent on the Newcastle squad as a sign that the owner had finally stepped up to the plate, delivered on his promises, showed some ambition etc etc. This narrative fails to recognize two things. First, spending £50m, or perhaps, buying four players is one thing if your goal is to top up an already solid roster, but it is something completely different if the squad is in need of a massive overhaul, which Newcastle unquestionably is. I may have misheard, but the commentary suggested Watford acquired around 15 players this summer. Newcastle needed that sort of investment. They are still badly short of quality. Second, £50m, £100m, £150m – it doesn’t really matter how much cash Newcastle fork out for players when the ethos of the club remains as it is. What really struck me in the defeats to West Ham and Watford was the disparate levels of effort on display from ourselves and the opposition. Put simply, the majority in black and white do not seem to care. In thinking about this, I have to assume that in making so public their mantra of buy young, sell on, Newcastle position themselves as a stop-on-the-way, a temporary platform. This, without question instills a mindset in anybody who comes to play for the Toon. It means we attract players who arrive with a mind to move elsewhere. What does that produce? Players wholly unconcerned with the welfare of the club, the fans, the city.
In times gone by, playing for Newcastle was in and of itself something of prestige. Thanks to Ashley et. al, playing for Newcastle now is simply a means of career advancement. These issues are systemic, and there’s no short-term fix. Other than Mike to pack his bags, I suppose. But, remember: we have to win something first!
3. Fortune favours the brave
After the debacle at West Ham, McClaren had every opportunity to change things. The trio of Aarons, de Jong, and Ayoze Perez all showed at Upton Park they deserved a chance to start. None of them did. Instead, Schteve persisted with Cisse, and like the mad man who keeps trying the same thing expecting different results, it was as hopeless as it was predictable. It’s remarkable how managers have blind spots when it comes to certain players/formations. There are those moments, all too frequently, when everybody else, fans, pundits, media can see something isn’t working, but managers continue in vein, desperately hoping their own stubbornness is eventually rewarded. West Ham should have been the clearest sign that Cisse should be nowhere near the team.
4. Newcastle fans deserve far greater credit
Anybody who suggests followers of the Toon are delusional are themselves, deluded. 2-0 to Watford. We win a corner. A roar erupts. They are bloody desperate to get behind their team. It’s a cliché, but can you imagine what SJP would be like if we ever get a team to be proud of?
5. Newcastle cannot defend
I’m no Alan Hansen, but in his words, Newcastle were absolutely shocking at the back. Once again, Coloccini demonstrates he is capable of turning up once in a while, before inevitably reverting back to his default, disinterested posture. He’s the captain. Incredible. Haidara isn’t a Premier League left back, but you can hardly hold that against him (see previous point about not buying enough players). Mbemba I do feel some sympathy for. Mainly I’m just pissed at Colocci!
6. Somebody cares!
Janmaat gets his own point. When your right back is your greatest attacking threat for two consecutive games, I’m more than willing to gloss over any defensive mistakes he may have made. Here’s a guy who genuinely seems to care. Between him and Perez, they offer an enduring ray of hope.
Maybe, just maybe they can act as inspirations to what is otherwise a thoroughly uninspiring bunch. I’m not holding my breath.
Next up... Sheffield Wednesday.
